“What if I told you I was seeing someone?”

March 17, 2012

The Private Man offered:

Here is the scenario…


A man starts a conversation with a woman who is single. It’s an innocuous chat but the woman is feeling an attraction for the guy. She can’t quite figure out why but there’s just something about this guy that sparks her interest. Perhaps it’s his witty comments, his confidence, his posture, his looks, even the tone of his voice. With the subtlety that only a woman can master, she notices that there is no wedding on his finger.


The conversation continues and gets just a bit more personal. They find out what each person does for a living, how many kids they each have, where they each were born. The man then asks for the woman’s phone number or suggests that they go have a drink. The woman is secretly thrilled yet shows nothing. She should be thinking “This guy started the conversation, What if he’s a player? Maybe he’s one of these pick-up artists who just wants a sexual encounter and nothing more?”


To any woman who finds herself in this situation (and who doesn’t just want a sexual encounter), here’s what she must ask, verbatim:


“What if I told you I was seeing someone?”


A man of good character will back off. He might apologize. He might just say “too bad”. He might even compliment the hypothetical boyfriend as “lucky fellow.” Regardless, he’s respecting the woman’s current, if mythical, relationship. This guy is a keeper.


The next phrase the woman must state is equally important:

“Well, I didn’t say I was seeing someone so here’s my phone number… What’s your number?”


If a woman finds a keeper, she has to make sure he’s not going to run away. Getting his number is crucial and sends the strongest of interest indicators.

In response to that question, the player will simply not care. He will continue on, not respecting that the woman might be seeing someone or is even in a relationship. “I’d still like your phone number.”, “Come on, it’s only a drink”. Players don’t understand boundaries.

I’m not quite sure how “seeing someone” rises to the level of “forsaking all others till death us do part,” but perhaps that’s what it means to TPM. In any case, alphaness has little to do with words and much to do with frame control. This scenario in which a man “of good character” scurries away with his tail between his legs has little to do with character and much to do with betatude. Hot girls always have a boyfriend, and they’re often looking for a better one.

Hot girls shit-test you not when they dismiss you, but when they are interested in you. I’ll say it again, because it took me 20 years to learn this. The hotter the girl, the more she shit-tests you at the beginning, but only if she is interested in you. Shit tests mean interest.

There are an infinite number of ways to deal with “I have a boyfriend.” One of my favorites is from Ross Jeffries: “I think that’s great. It’s wonderful when you meet someone you want to be with for the…rest…of…your…life.” In addition to being true, that maintains your frame as a powerful man of good character.

Don’t scurry.


One Response to ““What if I told you I was seeing someone?””

  1. This scenario in which a man “of good character” scurries away with his tail between his legs has little to do with character and much to do with betatude.

    No. But you still should play the man of good character, without scurrying or tucking your tail.

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